Compassion is a celebrated quality, but how often do we show that same kindness to
ourselves? For many, self-compassion is more challenging than compassion toward
others, yet it’s crucial for avoiding burnout and breaking free from past limitations.

Why Is Self-Compassion So Difficult?
 Perfectionism: High achievers often set unrealistic standards, leading to harsh self-
criticism.
 Ties to Burnout: Constantly pushing yourself without extending grace when you fall
short can lead to emotional and mental exhaustion. Without self-compassion, it’s
easy to spiral into burnout as you take on more than you can manage.
 Emotional Contagion: Empathy for others’ pain can blur boundaries between self
and others, especially if we lack proper boundaries or self-regulation skills. This
phenomenon, known as "emotional contagion," makes it harder to maintain a healthy
sense of self-compassion.
 The Past Trap: Many people stay tied to regrets, blocking self-compassion. But
compassionate behaviour, even toward ourselves, can awaken dormant feelings of
kindness and lead to healing.
Takeaway: Offering yourself the same compassion you show others is essential for mental
well-being and avoiding burnout. It helps untie the emotional knots of past mistakes, allowing
you to move forward with less guilt and self-blame.

The Dangers of Misplaced Compassion
While compassion is powerful, misplacing it—especially toward those who don’t deserve
it—can be harmful. This is often seen in family dynamics, where we feel obligated to show
compassion to relatives; blood or not, even if it keeps us stuck in these toxic relationships.

Why Misplaced Compassion Holds You Back:
 Emotional Drain: Pouring compassion into people who repeatedly hurt or drain you
leaves little energy for personal growth and healing.
 Blame, Denial, and Avoidance: These behaviours often block compassion in close
relationships. However, continuing to show compassion in these situations can lead
to a cycle where you're stuck in toxic patterns.
 Emotional Contagion & Boundaries: Without good boundaries, misplaced
compassion can cause emotional contagion, where you start feeling another’s pain
as if it were your own. This blurs the line between where their issues end and your
well-being begins.

 Toxic Relationships: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Antisocial Personality
Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) may play roles in how some
individuals lack empathy, leaving you in one-sided relationships where compassion is
not reciprocated.

Takeaway: Compassion is valuable, but it’s crucial to set boundaries; with others but also
with yourself. Misplacing it—especially toward toxic family members—prevents you from
setting healthy boundaries and moving forward. Be mindful of where you direct your
compassion to avoid emotional drain.

How Compassion is Shaped
Parents, teachers, peers, society, and culture influence how we view compassion, empathy,
and helping behaviours. From a young age, we are shaped by these factors, determining
how we relate to ourselves and others in terms of kindness and empathy. When these
influences are negative or lack nurturing, it becomes harder to develop healthy compassion,
especially for ourselves.

Moving Forward with Balanced Compassion
Balance is key. While compassion is essential, so is knowing when to stop giving it to those
who take advantage. Self-compassion is especially vital for sustainable growth, resilience,
the ability to move forward and well-being. By cultivating it and setting healthy boundaries,
we can move forward in life with clarity and strength.

A lot of my writing is inspired by conversations, research and published ideas.
Today I’m thankful to:

www.psychologytoday.com
https://theconversation.com/africa
www.verywellmind.com